Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Sin... Lady Luck...


Is she a lady? She's called as much, and I wouldn't want to besmirch her good name by suggesting otherwise or by calling 'her' a 'him' or 'she' a 'he'. But, IS she a lady?Female, perhaps, but would an actual LADY, all grace and goodness, be bad?

Let's face it, luck can be so bad you'd think it had the devil in her. You'd think a little case of demonic possession was going on and Luck was sneering at you with red eyes glowing and sharp teeth gleaming.

So, a Lady or just female. Not that I'm saying women are demonically possessed, of course. We're talking 'luck' here, not the 'fairer' sex. I'm just saying, Luck is generally referred to as a her. Same as a ship.

"God bless her and all who sail in her!" the Royal Highness or Mayor of Wotsit would proclaim whilst wasting a perfectly palatable bottle of bubbly by smashing it against the side.

Naturally, no-one sails in Luck - you'd sink. And there's no way to steer. But, by the same token, a ship can't help you win the lottery. I suppose they chat about that over a glass of wine on a Friday evening. Oh, no, they can't. Some dignitary smashed it against the brow of the boat! Oh well. There's some cans of Apple Tango in the conservatory.

Anywho. Luck. Bless her, and all who get swept along when she's in a good mood, or smashed over the head with a bottle of Bad when she's not.

We've been on more than nodding terms, her and I. In the past, of course. Almost on speaking terms, no less. I've won numerous competitions - money, holidays in fabulous hotels, computers and so on. I met a wonderful girl. Luck and I were getting on great.

Then I had to jinx it.

What is a jinx? Is it a creature that hides in the shadows, waiting to trip up Luck when she's skipping along? Is it the last train from Happiness Station, with no stops till midnight? Either way, see a penny, pick it up...

You know how it goes. 'And all day long you'll have good luck.' Well, clearly Luck didn't want to be tied to me in that way, especially when that penny was a TWO pence. Especially when that TWO pence was jealous of my fraternisations with Luck and decided to let the Jinx juggle with my juices. Especially, in fact, when the two pence let the Jinx smash me over the head with Luck.

Well, a lady is bound to take offence at that, isn't she?

Take a look at me now. Someone should write a song.

In an asylum. Escaping the screams. And the pain. If only the pain was my own, though, the fact that it isn't sort of makes it more so mine.

Luck. Lady or not, she's turned her back on me.

Maybe she won't on you. Maybe you have my luck. Be careful with it. Treat it 'like a lady'. Try it out! Here's a perfect opportunity!

I'm told, by Jeremy - the only orderly to at least treat us like people - that there's a competition. A giveaway. You can win an Amazon Kindle Fire, amongst other fabulous things. I've put a link on the right hand side of this blog and there's a page for it on that Shaun Allan's page. He's a writer or something. He's called his website www.shaunallan.co.uk which, I think, is genius. no, really. Wouldn't have thought of that myself...

Anywho-be-do. Try your luck, before someone else does. You've got to be in it to win it. Being stuck in an asylum, I'm unable to enter.

Win one for me, won't you?

No comments:

Post a Comment